How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
