capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
