Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
