i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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