Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's shark week go big or go home
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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