when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
