Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
