also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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