I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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