Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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