apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
