brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
