I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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