Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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