if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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