how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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