Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
