Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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