Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
