I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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