I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
