I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
