I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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