mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
