Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
