I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
