If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
