How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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