I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
