6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
