I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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