yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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