so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
