That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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