just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
