How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
