Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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