Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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