My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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