Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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