it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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