I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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