Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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