In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
