but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
