Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
