how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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