How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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