bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
