keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
