my sisters under your porch take her home
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
