Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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